As the most famous self-important art critic in this state, I hustled to find an opening in my busy schedule (destroying the reputations of established artists) to attend and judge the historic exhibition that curator Diana Bontecou had organized at the Millbrook Library which opened this past Friday afternoon. Entitled Art Blast, the exhibit features the best artwork submitted by local children from pre-K to 8th Grade. Mr Eric Rosi-Marshall entertained the children with guitar and song.
I was in a jolly mood when I arrived (late, course) at the Library; jolly mood because I had exposed the lies of three tier-two upcoming artists who will undoubtedly be washing dishes at local restaurants in the near future instead of planning further international exhibits laden with lame inanities.
Most children who have the potential of being great artists, whether poets or painters, are destroyed by the age of four when notions of form and structure descend upon their heads like the hammer of Thor—their ears, eyes, and fingers acquire the shackles of “civilization,” and, alas, their brains become mere templates that reproduce obnoxious advertising clichés.
But enough about me and the perilous plight of art critique. For today, we celebrate the newest supernovas in the art world: in this case a binary star where I awarded two artists the First Place medal of the Mill-Up Award. Despite my reputation for impartiality, objective fairness, near-sightedness, and political agnosticism, I have given First Place to the youngest two exhibitors, Lorraine Coon and Cameron McEneaney, for their expressive work in painting with acorns. I asked Cameron if he was influenced by Jackson Pollack. Replying in the negative, he asked who was Jackson Pollack? Cameron didn’t think he was in his class. This was a good sign.
Lorraine Coon and Cameron McEneaney are the founders of the New Earth painting school. They proceed from instinct and not imitation. The light and often deep marks of acorn on the paper lent amazing textural depth: nature itself was whispering its divine whimsy. Their lines possessed natural force that appeared spontaneous. Not only were these paintings the best framed work on display, they were the most ecologically sound! The sheer genius of employing brown paper bags left me speechless. The non-utility quality of the handles helplessly unable to handle empty space was inspiring. I realize that this innovation was the work of their instructor Danielle Szalewicz from Small Circle of Friends; Danielle deserves a hearty round of applause as a visionary teacher.
Other schools participating in the exhibit include Millbrook High School, Millbrook Junior High, Elm Drive Elementary School, and Dutchess Day School, which coincidentally nailed all other Mill-Up Prizes: 2nd Prize, Emmet Panzev (Third Grade) for a painting that exhibited simultaneously the influences of Vermeer, Munch, and Modigliani (featured on the teaser page); 3rd Prize Leah Colby (Sixth Grade) for Self Portrait inspired by Chuck Close ; 4th Prize, Michael Mok (1st Grade), for Stanley Whitney Abstract Painting. This exhibit of local heroes runs until February 28th.
The Mill-Up rewards have no monetary value, yet after death their prestige transforms into significant monetization if they are donated to my project museum in conception, Outlyers of Eternal Resonance. Building of the museum will break ground in 2020 or 2025, depending on the number of non-tax deductible donations (minimum of six figures) received by the Outlyers Foundation International to the semi-useful, doting scribbler who composed this article in a momentary fit of palpable, egregious nepotism.